Today i'm afraid of what this isolation, this constant, chest deep negativity is doing to me. Not physically, but more deeply - spiritually - mentally. i'm afraid my heart won't service my desire to be of use to someone other than myself. My love for people is slowly being chipped away along with my ability to confidently communicate. i've begun to notice in my conversation something i noticed about all the old guys whom i've met who've been caged back here for 10-20 years. There's a staccato stuttering, almost apprehensive cadence to their verbal communications. As if words are strangers and rocks that block your thoughts, so it's as if we're forcing them, pushing them out of our minds, our mouths, and they land with aloud thud, losing meaning in the noises, distraction.

I don't know if it comes from the fact that so much of the conversation is done in one's own head.