I think i'm becoming less willing to share my thoughts and ideas, to discuss what's going on in the world and around us. I've already, over the last 11 years, become someone i've never been, and i'm afraid i won't get the old me back. I've become more closed off, untrusting, introverted and suspicious of other people's motives and intentions - a very necessary and life-saving disposition to have cultivated in prison. However, i know it's eating me alive inside. it blocks out my sunshine and won't work when i have a relationship with a woman again.

I can't be human and be this way. It won't work. But, i'll never be human again if i'm not this way. I won't survive. I just pray i'll learn to turn it on and off as need be!!